breakup diaries

2 hours and 16 minutes post-dinner, 2 minutes to a pat on my head:

Master was nervous today. He woke up at a very early hour and seemed on edge. Enter Monty. I walked up to him with the biggest eyes I could make. My ears had that “out of bed” look as they flapped in the wind, and I lay down in front of him, presenting my junk. BELLY RUB!! He was smiling all of a sudden. It’s what I do. Whenever master is sad I just go BELLY RUB!! and he’s smiling again.

What’s that you say? Any dog could do it? How am I special?

I’ll answer your questions with a few of my own. Do you really think it is simply a matter of exposing your underside? Do you think timing doesn’t matter? Oh it’s ALLL about the timing my sweet, sweet, ingenuous friend! For the optimal BELLY RUB!!, one must pick one’s moments.

For example, a few days ago (or a few hours ago, I wasn’t paying attention) Master had just returned home and was in the middle of taking off his shoes, when I thought “he’s in need of a BELLY RUB!!”. So I promptly turned over. Another instance I can recall, that will cement this “timing” phenomenon in your gullible head, is when master was eating his dinner. He was sat at a table across his lady friend. They were both awfully quiet and staring at each other. Obviously something was wrong because within a minute they attacked each other. I’ve only seen such behaviour in the street dogs at night, when either gang has forgotten to pee on the lamp post and territory becomes up for grabs. So in order to break up master’s fight, I drew their attention to the possibility of a BELLY RUB!! And at once, the situation was calm. Master’s lady friend not only RUBBED MY BELLY!! but also scratched behind my ears and announced that I was a “total cutie”. Master said nothing and pretended to look angry but I knew he was secretly proud and thankful. So you see, I AM different from other dogs. I don’t abuse my power and knowledge and have diffused many such intense situations between Master and his many guests.

I’m off now, for that pat on my head. And maybe i’ll sneak in a BELLY RUB!! too because look how tired Master is. His eyes are almost fully closed.

P.s. Found another stick. It’s perfect for this house that i’m trying to build. Master will find it difficult to throw this one away. LOOK HOW HUGE!




I don’t know how to do these copyright things, so I’ll just state it here. I own the picture of the dog with the stick. The picture is mine, the dog is mine, and by the “finders keepers” law in my house, the stick is also mine.

Also, if you need to catch up on parts 1 and 2, links are given below.


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